Realising and accepting what we dont want is hard enough, but how do we find what we DO want?
Feb 16, 2017
As mere mortals we like to play it safe, and prefer jumping once we know where we are landing.
Sometimes however it takes a leap of faith, faith that life will show us the way and as Des Brown says: “Sometimes you just need to jump, and grow your wings on the way down”.
All the opportunities of where you may land are exhilarating, but also overwhelming and pretty terrifying. The world seems so big, physically, mentally, emotionally.
Where to start? Where does one want to land?
I would say, like with all new journeys, we start with checking our inner compass: our core values.
Do you know what they are? If not, it may well be worth giving it some thought. After all they are the most important thing to us, they are what decide if we are happy and fulfilled or depressed and frustrated.
In my case my values of honesty, authenticity and my need to make the most of every moment were conflicting with my values of loyalty and my family values. Still, at the end of the day I was making no one happy and my inner turmoil was reflecting in physical symptoms. I believed I could uphold my family values with a patchwork family idea ( so far so good, we see each other a lot, have family meals together on Sunday..etc) and the concept that it was actually more loyal towards my husband to set him free to find more absolute love elsewhere. (Miraculously he already has found someone very special).
Sometimes our values are clear to us, we know what we stand for, or in some cases we know what makes us really mad, and that is usually something going against our values. But it is not always so obvious to define the things which are at the centre of our being and without which we are not in line with ourselves. “If in doubt, get your values out”.
Give it some thought:
– What is essential to you?
– What can you not stand?
– What do others say about you?
– Identify a peak moment in time when you were really happy: who was there? What was happening? what made you so happy?
Tip: Hyrum W. Smith has a good exercise and process to uncover your values in “What matters most”.
Once we know these core values we have a genuine compass at our disposal to guide us through life. Sometimes we get off track, but they are what helps us find our way again.
Good luck! A good coach will also help you uncover them if you need some neutral but guiding outside help!
Let’s make it happen and live a full, purposeful and meaningful life!