Today I wanted to talk about parts, and feeling whole. I knew of course the feeling of expressions ” a part of me felt like this”, or “I don’t know what came over me”…etc but it is only when I did the NLP practitioner course that I discovered the concept more in depth. It really resonates with me.
In brief, the idea is that we start off whole and if, mostly when we are young, we have an experience which is too overwhelming, our psychological immune system protects us from pain by breaking that part off and isolating it within our unconscious. Now this does not have to be a tragic trauma. It can just be a particular feeling of rejection as a young child for example. So then try and imagine that wound as a dot which will then over the years gather around it circle after growing circle of protective layers to isolate it as we develop different ways of coping through the ages. Maybe you first reverted to a teddy, then to a friend, then to keeping busy all the time or later for example using alcohol (in extreme cases). This part, that we are not usually aware of, manifests itself in an in-congruence in our behaviour, feelings of tension as if there is a battle going on amongst different parts in us. Maybe one urging us forward to enjoy life and take risks, and the other blocking all we do to prevent us from getting hurt again. These parts can grow to develop their own values and belief system and can appear to have ” a mind of their own”. It takes a huge amount of energy to maintain these different parts.
These parts however all have a positive intention. They were all created to protect us from pain. The problem is that their purpose and intention often clashes with how they function and the behaviour they induce. Hence feelings of tension, frustration, of being torn and not being whole.
And we miss that wholeness. That powerful yet serene feeling of grounded-ness when we feel aligned with ourselves, at peace.
In NLP there is a wonderful tool called “Parts Integration”, at the same time very simple, but deep and incredibly powerful. My analytical mind was pretty sceptical when I first read about it but I was blown away when during our training it was done on me and yesterday I used it with a client over the phone (which I was then amazed at but thought worth a try)and he was amazed at the results even though he is a very down to earth, analytical person.
The most important part is for just a moment, suspending disbelief, relaxing and just feeling free to talk. There is no being hypnotised or being in a deep transe. You just relax and guided by the practitioner let the two parts come out on different hands and we talk with them, describing them, identifying their purpose and basically chunking up until we have identified a joint purpose, the initial wholeness. Sometimes there is an exchange of qualities and resources between the two parts and a gradual feeling of coming together which in most cases manifests itself through the hands coming together.
My client yesterday described a strong feeling of magnetic attraction between his hands as they moved together as if of their own accord. Some then seem to instinctively bring their joint hands up to their heart or chest to feel even deeply the sense of integration, of coming together. That feeling of peace as the two parts join forces for the common goal, an increase in energy yet a deep, deep peace.
I would recommend it to everyone. It is simple, pain free, no need to revisit any painful memories, it just feels natural and profoundly transformational.
Here is to coming together!