Now this is a very interesting concept which I found in a book called ” The five love languages” by Gary Chapman. Someone mentionned it and I must admit at first to have not been particularly interested in reading it until she said it had probably saved her marriage! So I suspended my disbelief and sure enough, this really makes sense!
The concept is that just as we have different ways of viewing the world, what happens to us…etc, we also have different ways of expressing our love. Just as any language, the important thing in communication is actually being understood. So are you and your partner speaking the same love language or talking at cross purposes? Maybe worth investigating! It certainly was an eye openener for my husband and I!
Mr Chapman mentions 5 basic Love languages (how we express our love).
1. Words of affirmation
(Thanks, encouragement, kind words, humble requests,actually saying: I love you)
2. Quality time:
(undivided attention, listening, talking about feelings, shared quality activities)
(Which is not limited to sex but a hug, a kiss, a pat, holding hands…etc)
So for example my husband would say: “But of course I love you: I bring you flowers”. I would appreciate the flowers yet not see those as meaning he particularly loved me. However if he emptied the dish washer without me asking him I would feel he really did love me. Once we became aware we were speaking different languages and once I had understood that though he appreciated all the acts of service I do,he felt loved if I hugged him or held hands then I could express my love in a way which made him feel loved. And that is the whole point isnt it?
Maybe worth working out first for yourself what makes you feel loved and then ask your partner!
Lots of little misunderstandings (or sometimes not so little)can be cleared in this way enabling us to have clear and strong relationships where we feel understood and can give freely in return!
That inisght would have saved us a lot of effort early on.